Ty and Ryan's Fictional Hunger Games (Part IX)

 

 

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Part VII

Part VIII

 

To Kill a Love Triangle

 

The night is dark and Kevin McCallister is hard at work.  He has been avoiding confrontation as much as possible during the Games; partly because he has spent most of his time shooting toy soldiers with his BB gun, but mostly because deep down he knows his moment to shine is yet to come.  He waits patiently for the climax of the competition, much like he waited until the end of Home Alone to depose of Harry and Marv. 

 

And those guys were a lot scarier than these MORONS, he thinks to himself as he recollects his victorious encounter with Wonka.  He ties a rope to the trigger of his BB gun and creatively wraps the other end to a lowrising branch.  If someone walks by at night, they will undoubtedly hit the branch and get shot by the BB, he concludes.  He takes comfort knowing that if that doesn't work, he still has the various paint cans, micromachines, and blowtorches that sponsors have sent him.  Kevin has the distinct advantage of being the only remaining kid in the competition, bringing a slew of various items to cause malaise from sympathizing sponsors.

 

As Kevin works meticulously at hiding nails face-up in the grass, he hears bristling in the woods.  Chills run down his spine faster than a New York minute.

 

Could it be him?

 

Very early in the competition Kevin was cavalier towards his opponents.  Not many looked formidable; the only one who was, Achilles, was taken out by a man who the Wet Bandits themselves would scoff at.  That was until the giant, pale man who lurked in the shadows began to haunt his dreams.  He had only seen him twice so far, but both encounters proved to be more frightening than the next.  

 

The first time Kevin was setting a trap for the Hamburglar.  A sponsor had sent a burger from the sky, no doubt to assuage any fears that the Hamburglar had about not having any inside the arena.  However, Kevin slyly picked it up and began to set a trap for his striped foe.  By placing the burger on top of a pit, he planned to catch his first victim.  He watched from a distance as the Hamburglar spoke to Katniss, believing it was only a matter of time before his opponent noticed the burger and lost all reason.  Kevin was giddy in that almost-but-not-quite-sociopathic way of his that was only revealed when he had to protect his house or when Elijah Wood came to visit.  That was until the monster man, who never said a word, revealed himself from behind a brush.  His placid demeanor terrified young Kevin and he scrambled away into the woods, screaming the entire way.  He didn't know what happened to the burger, but he believed the man had something to do with the Hamburglar's face being shown as a fallen tribute in the sky that night.

 

The next time he saw the mysterious man was much quicker yet even more terrifying.  Kevin had found himself in a tree when Super Mario began to trip on mushrooms.  Kevin, a master of all things Mario due to his incessant love for Gameboy, eagerly placed the mushroom around the plumber after he heard Mario's joyous laughter.  Mario quickly took the bait and his reaction to the psychedelic drug was almost instant.  He watched with amusement as Mario crouched down and then launched himself in the air, believing he was actually growing.  After throwing imaginary fireballs into the air, Mario ran full-speed into the woods and directly into the pale man, who stood stoic by a tree.

 

"Donkey Kong.  Is that you?" Mario asked hysterically.  The man didn't answer, but continued to stare with dead eyes.  "Let's go Kong! Time to save the Princess! Ya ha!"  Mario ran sluggishly ahead, leaving behind the towering ghost.  The man turned his head upwards, noticing Kevin in the tree immediately. 

 

"AHHHHHH!"

 

Kevin ran, hands on cheeks, screaming into the woods.

 

Now Kevin hid as if he had just destroyed his brother Buzz's shelves.  He awaits his menacing stalker on a tree branch attached to a blowtorch.  As soon as I see him, I'll blow him to Kingdom come.

 

Much to Kevin's surprise, three figures emerge from the forest.  One is an athletic male wearing 80's attire and a decidedly awesome mullet.  To his right, the same dark-haired beauty who he witnessed wooing both Cage and Wonka from before looked longingly at Dalton.  Trailing a few feet behind, the homeless-looking guy who attacked Achilles on the first day is visibly shaking, clearly having withdrawals.

 

 

 

"Dalton," Kate says, "I wouldn't have left Cage if I didn't have deep feelings for what we have."

 

"Save it, Kate.  I'm not into brunnetes."

 

"Hey, Kate, I still kinda have a thing for the Waitress...she's my one an only...but can I ask you somethin'?"

 

Kate stops five feet from the very tree where, unbeknownst to her, Kevin McCallister holds a can of paint, ready to attack.  Yet although his position works in his advantage, he is weary to attack three at once, deciding to hold off unless one runs into his BB trap. 

 

Kate, meanwhile, is slowly coming to grips that she left the enigmatic yet promising Cage, who insisted on "taking off Dwight's face" for these two clowns on the off-chance she could start a love triangle with them.  Little did she know that Dalton's zen prevented him from falling for anyone other than blonde doctors while  Charlie would be as useful as a pair of kitten mittons.

 

"What is it, Charlie?" she asked, exasperated.

 

"Uh..you haven't by chance picked up any glue in the arena, huh?  Mac promised he was gonna send some.  Man!  What's a guy gotta do to huff a li'l glue around here, huh?!"

 

Kate doesn't answer, but continues to walk.  Dalton looks at his comrade, placing a knowing arm around him.

 

"Don't worry, buddy," Dalton says, "we're going to take real good care of you at the Cornucopia.  Have you ever tried meditating?"

 

Charlie looks past him with wide eyes, noticing something laying in the grass just ahead of them.  He laughs maniacally and runs towards the package while Dalton and Kate look at him curiously.

 

"What is it, Charlie?" Kate asks cautiously.

 

Charlie doesn't answer at first, instead crouching down and examining a sleek suit that he has grown to love over the years.  He picks it up and shows it to his friends gleefully. They stare back in confusion.

 

"Awww yeah! Mac in the house!  Don't you see what it is?!" Charlie exclaims.  "We can win now!"

 

"Charlie, we can't win anything," Kate says.  "Do you not remember the rules?  And what is that?  It smells horrible."

 

Charlie doesn't answer, but begins to put on the suit.

 

"Guys... I'M GREENMAN!"

 

 

 

Kevin looks on as the three people disappear into the night before sighing with relief.  He had the jump on them, but he would wait for an opportunity to pick them off one by one.  He just needed some more ---

 

SNAP!

 

The branch that Kevin rests on breaks in half, sending him sprawling towards the ground like a sack of voltage adapters.  Three feet from the ground, his leg tangles in a noose he had prepared earlier on an adjacent branch.  He now hangs helplessly from the ankle, which seers in pain.  He yelps, but tries his best to conceal his lamentations until he realizes the blowtorch has been activated mere inches from him.  It dangles on a string, coming dangerously close to burning him.  It will be a matter of moments before his own traps doom him.  He groans at his misfortune.

 

"My brother was right," Kevin says aloud, "I AM A DISEASE!"

 

Suddenly, a shadowy figure emerges from the abyss.  Kevin's heart sinks into his stomach, an impressive feat seeing as he hangs upside down.  He slowly begins to realize that the torch may now be the least of his worries.

 

It's him.

 

Kevin begins to scream as the man walks slowly towards him, a nervous look in his eyes.  He yells for the trio to come back to save him, but no one comes.  The ghost stares at him for a few moments, curiously watching the blowtorch spin next to the boy, before making his move towards him.  Kevin closes his eyes, finally accepting his fate.

 

Before he knows it, he senses the man's large hands tearing at rope, loosening the grip of the noose.  Confused, Kevin opens his eyes and sees that the man isn't trying to harm him, but is freeing him.  He lands with a thud on the ground below him, his ankle swelling profusely.  Kevin looks up at the man with bewildered eyes.  No one says a word.  Finally, the man waves to him.  Kevin hesitantly waves back.  The man then extends his hand to help the mischievous boy to his feet. 

 

"Hi."

 

"Huh..hello."

 

"...I'm Boo."

 

1)      Achilles - 1/3

2)      Dalton - 10/1

3)      Katniss - 20/1

4)      Super Mario - 30/1

5)      Dwight Schrute - 35/1

6)      Nic Cage - 40/1

7)      Willy Wonka – 60/1

8)      Kate Austen– 60/1

9)      Kevin McCallister – 75/1

10)  Horatio – 75/1

11)  Rudy Ruettiger - 80/1

12)  Helen of Troy - 90/1

13)  The Hamburglar – 90/1

14)  Yossarian – 90/1

15)  Harry Potter – 100/1

16)  Lennie – 120/1

17)  Steve Urkel – 200/1

18)  Charlie Kelly – 250/1

19)  Marcia Brady – 300/1

20)  Willy Loman – 400/1

21)  Hester Prynne – 600/1

22)  Miss Piggy – 800/1

23)  Adrian Balboa – 1,000/1

24)  Boo Radley - ? 

Ty and Ryan's Fictional Hunger Games (Part VI)

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

 The Plumber, the Bouncer, and the Ugly

"Charlie, I think it's time for you to wash that off," Dalton sighed as he serenely chopped at the air.

Charlie, Dalton, and Marcia sit near a bubbling brook, taking a few minutes to rest after hours of trekking.  Marcia admires her companion as he practices karate in the sunlight, forgetting that he actually had never stopped performing since they teamed up.  Meanwhile, she is still terrified of Charlie, whose blood-soaked beard had dried in the heat.

"Ah c'mon, Dalton, I killed Achilles!  You think I'm gonna kill that guy and then just wash this glory off?" Charlie laughed hysterically.  Dalton didn't acknowledge him, instead choosing to bask in the sunlight.  Charlie, feeling uneasy at his calm, concedes, dumping his head face-first into the icy brook.  Red splotches drifted downstream.  Marcia gives a disgusted look and began singing "It's a Sunshine Day" to ease herself.

"Aww yeahh!  Look what I found!"

Charlie lifts a dead fish from the water joyously and begins to do a little jig.  Finally, Dalton stops his act and peers upon the situation.  He has no idea how his companion could find substance, not realizing that Charlie's venomous mouth is so potent that at least five other fish died moments after his face tainted the brook.

"Groovy!" Marcia exclaims.

"That's a good fish.  We can cook--"

Dalton stops mid-sentence as Charlie takes a giant bite out of the fish.

"Eww!  Alice always cooks those first!" Marcia, defeated, collapses into Dalton's stoic arms and begins to cry.

Charlie continues to take hunks off of the fish until he realizes there's more blood flowing down his face.  Not wanting to seem low class, he wipes it off with his forehand and inexplicably bows, extending the half-eaten raw fish to his new friends.  Dalton looks at him with no expression.

"Dead fish don't swim around in jealous tides."

Charlie looks at him quizzically, utterly incapable of understanding Dalton's philosophy.  The quote, along with Marcia holding on to him like he was Desi Arnaz Jr., makes him realize just how inferior he is to the bouncer.

"You're so cool, Dalton, man...you want me to eat another fish or somethin'? Tell me what I should do to be cool like you."

Dalton's '80s-style hair sweats magnificently in the sun.  He thinks about the company he is keeping; deep down he always knew it would come to this as he always had a penchant for blondes and lovable losers.  It would have made more since for him to team up with that Kate girl, who seemed to have some use, or even the ninja star-throwing office worker (whose smoky fire was still visable on the horizon), but then again, Dalton never seemed to mind the struggle.  In fact, he welcomed it.

"Charlie, there are a few rules of being successful in this game.  The first, expect the unexpected.  The second, never understimate your opponent.  And the third, be nice."

"That sounds.........AWESOME bro!"

Dalton knew that Charlie was a lost cause and reached into his pocket.  "Also, here is a dagger that I found that I have no use for.  Only use physical violence when it is ABSOLUTELY necessary."

Just a little ways away inside an unexplained pipe, a short, plump little man watches what's unfolding.  Super Mario had spent hours in his singular mission trying to track down the Princess.  That damned Bowser is within my grasp, he thought to himself.  Along the way, he discovered what he thought was King Koopa.  Only after the fact did he realize that it was just sad, depressing Willie Loman.  Who was probably hiding the fake Princess somewhere, too.  And on top of that, why are there so many fake Princesses?  

About an hour earlier, Mario had found a mushroom in a field.  Thinking he would grow to be big (or, compared to the rest, normal sized), he devoured it.  Since then he was oblivious to the reality that it was, in fact, a psychedelic mushroom and that he was currently tripping.  In his eyes, he had finally found Bowser, who was holding on to the Princess while his brother Luigi was forced to eat raw fish.  Because even in his drugged out trip, Mario knew not to eat raw fish.

Mario, feeling heroic, jumps out of the pipe and leaps his way towards the trio, showing off his trademark laugh the entire way.  Because of this, Dalton and the rest notice the hilarious site of a drugged-up Mario sluggishly making his way to them.

"Oh yes come right in," Charlie said as Mario pushed him violently out of the way.  He continues to make an outstanding leap, intending to flatten the imposing Bowser.  In reality, Dalton shrugs this attack off and throws Mario back towards Charlie.  Mario lands next to him in a tired heap.

"Luigi, I can't do this alone!" Mario whispers as he gets to her feet.

"Luigi?  I'm not your brother, bro!  But I-"

"Your breath is HORRIBLE.  Now help me kill Bowser."

Mario turns and pulls out a gun, which he had found in the pipe earlier.  Luckily he honed his skill during his time in Super Smash Bros.  He aims it at Dalton with a menacing laugh.  "Yahoo!" 

Dalton didn't hesitate, standing directly in front of Marcia in order to protect her.  In one fell swoop, he grabs Mario with one hand and menacingly holds up his other hand towards the tiny plumber's neck.  As the gun goes off, Dalton mercilessly tears the throat out of the 64-bit Italian, who falls into a heap. Dalton turns around to see what he already feared most: Marcia Brady, holding her stomach where the bullet went piercing through.  He runs towards her as she remained staggering.

At the exact moment, a shiny dagger flies over Dalton's shoulder, the blunt end hitting Marcia square in the face.  As she falls over, Dalton looks back incredulously at Charlie.

"Charlie, what are you doing?!"

"Oh I'm sorry!" Charlie says sarcastically, "I see a gun and I'm NOT going to throw that dagger.  I don't think so."

Dalton looks down at his fallen woman, who has time to give out her final, meager words before her death.

"Oh, my nose!"

ELIMINATED FROM THE COMPETITION: SUPER MARIO AND MARCIA BRADY

1)      Achilles - 1/3

2)      Dalton - 10/1

3)      Katniss - 20/1

4)      Super Mario - 30/1

5)      Dwight Schrute - 35/1

6)      Nic Cage - 40/1

7)      Willy Wonka – 60/1

8)      Kate Austen– 60/1

9)      Kevin McCallister – 75/1

10)  Horatio – 75/1

11)  Rudy Ruettiger - 80/1

12)  Helen of Troy - 90/1

13)  The Hamburglar – 90/1

14)  Yossarian – 90/1

15)  Harry Potter – 100/1

16)  Lennie – 120/1

17)  Steve Urkel – 200/1

18)  Charlie Kelly – 250/1

19)  Marcia Brady – 300/1

20)  Willy Loman – 400/1

21)  Hester Prynne – 600/1

22)  Miss Piggy – 800/1

23)  Adrian Balboa – 1,000/1

24)  Boo Radley - ? 

Ty and Ryan's Fictional Hunger Games (Part II)

("You can't win!" - Adrian Balboa)

(For Part One, click here.)

The Games Begin

It's early morning and eerily quiet as the contestants’ pedals begin to raise them from their individual holding rooms underground and into the arena, introducing the tributes to a bright clear sky and a sunny field in front of them.  The tributes, now listening to the starting clock ticking down ominously, are arranged on their individual pedestals in a circle around a large metal Cornucopia.  Inside the circle of contestants are randomly scattered weapons, backpacks, and other survival-related paraphernalia, the most vital of which is collected in a large pile near the base of the Cornucopia.  The tributes, taking in their surroundings, notice the arena is largely wooded.  Aside from the sizeable field in which they are now standing, the arena is comprised primarily of dense woods, thick with shrub-like vegetation and towering trees.  Katniss quietly rejoices at her familiar surroundings.  Only one side of the field offers a different view.  Out of one side of the woods encircling the Cornucopia flows a violent river.  Out of the woods, the river continues towards the grassy plain before simply halting 50 yards from the Cornucopia and down a seemingly endless drop into a black abyss below.

46-45-44 The voice, seemingly emanating from the sky, counts down methodically.  Some contestants are nervously examining their surroundings while others are eyeing down the competition.  Some can’t take their eyes of the assortment of items near the Conucopia.   Super Mario’s mustache twitches in anticipation; he’s eyeing the woods already, seemingly uninterested in the fight that will soon take place around the supplies.  Marcia Brady is trying her best to catch the eye of Achilles, Horatio, Yossarian and Dwight Schrute, but unfortunately her pedestal is right next to Helen of Troy’s, a bad break for Marcia as most of her targets are already staring blankly at the Princess of Troy.  After a few seconds she sees Horatio looking at her from a few pedestals to her right.  When she meets his gaze, however, he mouths “MOVE!” with an accompanying waving motion, beckoning poor Marcia to stop obstructing his view of Helen on the podium to her left. 

22-21-20 Achilles is actually sitting down on his pedestal apparently disinterested by the entire event.  Next to him Charlie Kelly is clearly drunk and drooling a bit but looking over at Achilles awestruck, obviously hoping to ride his coattails. 

18-17-16 Adrian Balboa is the only tribute making any noise while the clock ticks down…she’s crying, of course, and not in a way that makes you feel sorry for her.  Dalton, next to her, is meditating in the lotus position but is clearly distracted by the tearful squawking going on right beside him. 

13-12-11 Piggy, Dwight and Steve give a quick nod to each, almost imperceptible but clearly indicating a mutual understanding.

9-8-7 Katniss tenses up, preparing to sprint, while Harry Potter takes one last strategic look around the field, hoping for any sign of magic…

6-5, Charlie vomits, quickly breaking the silence, his speech sloppy, “I’m sorry guys, I founda dead animal in my holding room and ate it ‘cause I got real nervous and Imma a bit drunk, I think it mighta’ had some disease, I…” 4, he vomits again.

3-2 Charlie wipes his mouth and squints over at Achilles, slurring terribly, “Hey, ‘Chilles, d’you wanna beonateam wi”

A deafening trumpet blast signals the start of the Games!!

 (Catch-22)

As soon as the horn blows, Yossarian decides to live forever or die in the attempt.  Where is the boy? he thinks to himself, frantically searching for Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived.  After hearing about how he had avoided certain death to a noseless dark lord, he naturally thought to himself that he either needed to team up with this invincible wizard or at least try to kill him.  As he searches around the arena, he notices Adrian Balboa still bawling her eyes out while remaining motionless on her platform.  If she moves, she will die immediately.  But if she stays, she will be a sitting duck.  He watches as Dwight Schrute, holding some kind of weapon in his hands, walks calmly to the crying woman.

She looks at Dwight with huge, fearful eyes.  She had tried unsuccessfully to form an alliance with Rudy, knowing that he had the same try-hard personality as Rocky, but even he couldn't stand her constant bickering, opting instead to valiantly protect Hester Prynne from certain impending mobs.  Even John McLane knew she was a lost cause, telling her to "get lost" during their final meeting.

Dwight stared at her blankly, trying his best to intimidate her using his sociopathic gaze.

"You can't win!" she screamed at him.

Dwight gave an obnoxious chuckle.  "False.  The probabilities are highly in my favor."  He throws three ninja stars at her mercilessly and watches as she crumples to the ground before abandoning the Cornucopia field and joining Piggy and Steve Urkel near the woods.

ELIMINATED FROM THE COMPETITION: ADRIAN BALBOA

Yossarian is still searching methodically through the arena for Harry.  He finally spots him, wildly flailing a broom that he had picked up on the very outskirts of the Cornucopia.  Harry didn't dare go near Achilles, who began collecting weapons like Easter eggs.  What caught his eye, however, was a certain golden ball that fluttered past Nic Cage's head (Cage has somehow found a motorcycle and has begun to drive angry around the Cornucopia, picking up as many supplies he can.)  The snitch!

Harry, superiorly trained at seeking, had decided to forego attacking the easy targets (including Charlie Kelly, who was drunkenly army crawling by Harry's feet) in order to find the snitch.  I will surely find the next clue to these 'Games' once I capture the snitch, he thought to himself.  Broom-in-hand, he now takes off like a maniac, following the snitch as if Draco Malfoy threatened to get it first.  The snitch, meanwhile, makes its way directly towards the cliff.  Harry doesn’t worry about it, knowing that although he is not on a Nimbus 3000, he could mount this bad boy.  I'm Harry Freaking Potter, he thinks to himself.

But as soon as he launches off of the cliff, it’s too late.  Yossarian watches in horror as The Boy Who Lived goes freefallin' after what had only been a golden apple that Achilles had callously thrown over Cage's head.

(He chose....poorly.)

ELIMINATED FROM THE COMPETITION: HARRY POTTER

Yossarian's mind now rambles.  The only way I can win the competition now is by joining Katniss.  But she's won before and doesn't trust novices.  The only way to join Katniss is by winning The Hunger Games. Yet the only way to win is to join her and follow her lead.  The only way Wonka would let me team up with him is if I was insane, but if I told him I was insane, he would immediately know I'm not.  What about Helen of Troy?  She would only team with me if I were a prince, but the only way I can be a prince in here is by teaming up with her...And is that Nic Cage circa Raising Arizona rummaging through the Cornucopia?  Didn't I just see him riding a motorcycle sans mustache?

Yossarian is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't realize Achilles sneaking up behind him until he feels the sharp pain of a spear goring him through the chest.  He collapses to the ground, looking up towards the sun.  This must have been how Snowden felt...

ELIMINATED FROM THE COMPETITION: JOHN YOSSARIAN

Achilles half-heartedly searches around for anything left to slaughter.  Kate, Wonka, and Nic Cage (who is now off the motorcycle and away from the Cornucopia, sporting different clothing and longerhair) wisely run for their lives into the woods, heading in the same direction as Lennie and Kevin McCallister, the latter of which runs screaming with his hands on his cheeks. He notices Rudy hunched in front of Hester like a defensive lineman a near twenty feet from him.

"You're not harming her.  She's been through enough," he stammers courageously.  Hester subconsciously feels the red 'A' on her corset.

"You are foolish, prince of Notre Dame.  But it is too early in this war for heroes to die," Achilles dismisses.  He turns and watches Horatio, who is busy making his rounds towards the other deaths.  His bright red hair glistens in the sunlight, his dark shades protecting his sensitive eyes from both the rays and the horrid bloodshed left before him.

In regards to Adrian: "I have to consider her...KO'ed."

Peering at Yossarian's impaled body: "It appears he caught a 22...in his chest."

After looking down the river's edge where Harry Potter had fallen: "Looks like he…wand-ered off a cliff.”

 YEAHHHHH! - Horatio Crane

Eager to impress the countless viewers back home with his wit, he searches for another death near him to no avail.  He notices the tense standoff between Achilles and Rudy and, being the successful detective that he is, decides to get closer to the action.  Achilles welcomes the red-haired pun-slinger with amusement as they all stand ten feet from each other.  Rudy doesn't hesitate, rushing towards both his opponents with all the strength of a '90s Fighting Irish defenseman. 

Achilles reacts the only way he knows how: Using the sword he picked up from the Cornucopia, he does a complete 360 spin, cutting through Horatio's stomach and straight through Rudy's neck.  With one last epic move, he throws the sword like a javelin straight through Hester, who had herself picked up a bow and arrow and aimed it at him. 

Horatio, showing no pain and, honestly, no personality, stammered out one last pun:

"I guess I just didn't have...the stomach for this!"

And within a matter of seconds, Achilles had wiped out three more competitors.

ELIMINATED FROM THE COMPETITION: RUDY, HESTER, AND HORATIO

Achilles looks around the Cornucopia.  There's an awkward silence in the arena.  Everyone has cleared out into the woods, far away from Homer's great warrior.  He looks up in the sky, already lamenting the mundane thought of hunting down each candidate, one by one.  But it was what he was born to do; Agamemnon once said that he was a gifted killer.  It is the only thing he knows.  Taking a seat in the grass next to a dead body, he realizes he is still bored out of his mind.  I just want to get this over with, Achilles thinks to himself, I actually feel sorry that I was chosen to participate in--

"AHH!" Achilles yelps in pain as he feels a sharp bite sink into the arch above his heel.  "What the---"

He stares down at what he thought had been a dead body.  He had dispatched so many of his enemies that he had lost count on who he had actually killed. 

(WILDCARD!) - Charlie Kelly

"WILDCARD!"

Alas, Charlie Kelly, who had drunkenly army crawled all the way to Achilles without being noticed, took a chunk of Achilles' achilles heel right out.  He laughs hysterically, blood dripping from his unkempt beard.  Achilles looks at him in horror, his blood flowing freely like a faucet.  He doesn't understand why the pain is so unreasonable, but he also doesn't take into account how many diseased rats and old cheeses Charlie had stocked up on the night before the Games.  His mouth is a cesspool and deadlier than any weapon he could have found in the Cornucopia.

Achilles falls on his back, his life slowly slipping away.

"Guess you didn't wanna join up after all, ey man?" Charlie sputtered.

"You've fought well, prince of Philly.  Let the gods of the underworld be as noble as yourself."

ELIMINATED FROM THE COMPETITION: ACHILLES

Charlie stumbles to his feet.  He looks up at Dalton, who stood in a nearby brush alongside Marcia Brady.

"Charlie, want to team up?" Marcia asked, holding on to a clearly unimpressed Dalton.

"Awwww yeahhhh!  Let's chop cats!  Let's chop cats!"

"Keep it down!" Dalton whispers.  "Never underestimate your opponent."

Charlie runs giddily to his new friends and follows them into the woods.

END OF PART II

1)    Achilles - 1/3

2)    Dalton - 10/1

3)    Katniss - 20/1

4)    Super Mario - 30/1

5)    Dwight Schrute - 35/1

6)    Nic Cage - 40/1

7)    Willy Wonka – 60/1

8)    Kate Austen– 60/1

9)    Kevin McCallister – 75/1

10) Horatio – 75/1

11) Rudy Ruettiger - 80/1

12) Helen of Troy - 90/1

13) The Hamburglar – 90/1

14) Yossarian – 90/1

15) Harry Potter – 100/1

16) Lennie – 120/1

17) Steve Urkel – 200/1

18) Charlie Kelly – 250/1

19) Marcia Brady – 300/1

20) Willy Loman – 400/1

21) Hester Prynne – 600/1

22) Miss Piggy – 800/1

23) Adrian Balboa – 1,000/1

      24) Boo Radley - ?