Tuesday Top Ten: Most Regrettable Deaths in Pop Culture

In true English major fashion, I read several books over Christmas Break.  I found myself opening more books on Christmas morning than I did my entire fall semester (only kidding...except for you, Health book.)  After reading Christopher McDougall's Born to Run, I found myself inspired to run five miles a day in The Woodlands (not as impressive considering half the people in the book are running 50-100 mile marathons in intense weather conditions).  After reading Free Darko's The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac, I found myself inspired to write more about my favorite sport in the future.  And after reading Stephen King's The Green Mile, I found myself inspired to write about the deaths in pop culture that I regret the most.  I know, in true English major fashion...

(*DISCLAIMER: If you don't want to read spoilers for 24, 3:10 to Yuma, Dexter, Alias, Rocky, or Lost, then don't read the rest of the incredibly well-written and compelling post.)





Honorable Mention:
-David Palmer from 24 (although you're still in his good hands with his Allstate commercials)

-Charlie Prince from 3:10 to Yuma (because you know you'd rather see Ben Foster starring in a sequel/spin-off as this great character than seeing him co-star with Jason "I Love Lionsgate" Statham in The Mechanic.)

-Elisha Cuthbert's career (one word: Captivity)

10. Arrested Development

  

The show that spawned and revived the careers of some of the greatest comedic minds of the past ten years was murdered by Fox before its time.  The reasoning?  Ratings.  From every highbrow joke to the plucky theme, this show was in a class of its own when it came to sitcoms (and yes, I'm including Sanford and Son, as well.)  Lately, I've been worried that one of my favorite new shows, Community, might fall to the same fate despite being one of the best written comedies in the past few years.  Rumors of an Arrested Development movie have been in circulation for the past twenty-three years.

9. Michael Vaughn - Alias

 

I stumbled upon Alias several years after it had already ended while I was on summer hiatus from another JJ Abrams show, Lost.  The first couple of seasons were riveting, with great writing and good acting that could only be rivaled by a show like Lost (at this point, even I'm not sure if I believe half the things I say about my old favorite show).  However, things started to tumble after an incredible second season finale and I think Abrams desperately wanted to find a new angle to the show that was slowly becoming stagnant during the next few seasons.  And while Vaughn's death was a move that was bold and dramatic, I slowly lost interest with the newly introduced replacements.  Ben Affleck didn't help the show much either by getting Jennifer Garner pregnant for the last season of the show...just another reason to hate him.

(Editor's Note: When I wrote this, I wasn't aware that they bring him back to life...coming from a show related to Lost, I should have known I would be made a fool for jumping to conclusions..  In my face.)

8. Apollo Creed - Rocky IV

 

Let's forget the fact that Apollo's death resulted in one of the greatest montages in cinematic history, or possibly my favorite quote of all time, but hone in on how seeing Apollo die when I was a kid nearly traumatized me to the point of catatonia.  The guy represented America!  Even the fact that Apollo's death was necessary to bring Rocky out of retirement is regrettable because after his eventual defeat of Drago, Rocky 5 was greenlit, bringing a less-than-motivational brain damage/Tommy Gunn storyline.

7. Nick Drake

I've touched upon this before: in high school I was led to believe that Nick Drake was an up-and-coming musician that would rival Iron & Wine for the rest of my life.  His haunting "Pink Moon" is still one of my favorite songs.  But at a lake house trip the summer after high school, my friend Austin hit me with the sad reality that he died in the early 1970s, only further proof that I am living in the wrong decade.  Drake was right though, there was a pink moon coming.

6. Doakes - Dexter

Anytime the first two seasons of Dexter needed a breath of fresh air, either in the form of comic relief or intriguing storyline, Doakes was there.  While he mainly served as a major foil to the darkly dreaming Dexter, Doakes was seemingly more than that with his quick-talking, no-nonsense persona.  Many of his greatest quotes are unprintable for Charging Interests, but believe me when I say that he was an explosive character.  While his demise in the second season was slightly predictable and mostly warranted in order to keep the show going, it's disappointing to see the same cop-chasing-Dexter storyline with Quinn, a far lesser character than the (almost) immortal Doakes.

5. Rita - Dexter

Season four of Dexter was my personal favorite, seeing as the Trinity Killer was one of the greatest villains ever created.  John Lithgow's chilling portrayal earned him several much-deserved awards.  However, to truly cement his status as one of the best bad guys, he had to do something that would really shock the audience, which he did by killing Rita in the season finale.  I still remember being shocked watching the episode live back at my parent's house, well before Julie Benz would agree to be in the laughable No Ordinary Family.  However, this death makes the list mainly because of the shock value that it caused and not because I find it particularly regrettable, seeing that Rita was never my favorite character.  As my good friend Cale put it, "The only thing I regret about Rita's death is that it took four seasons for it to happen."

4. Michael Myers - Halloween II

Although Rob Zombie's Michael Myers also died in his updated version of Halloween II, both of his contributions to the Halloween series were mainly regrettable so I'll focus mainly on the original sequel.  (One time when I was in Oklahoma I started to watch the first Zombie Halloween with a girl I liked.  After the first thirty minutes we decided to stop watching due to the sheer grossness of it.  Several episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark soon followed.  In related news, we never dated.)  In the original Halloween II, the final standoff has Michael getting shot in both eyes and set ablaze in a gas leak set off by Dr. Loomis.  Despite Michael valiantly trying to walk it off (half of the reason why he made the list was so I could post the above still frame), he collapses and seemingly dies.  A completely Michael Myers-less Halloween III: Season of the Witch followed and I'm still not entirely sure if it was released as a horror or a comedy.  The movie was so terrible that Nicholas Cage couldn't resist making a movie of the same name.  I swear, sometimes Charging Interests writes itself.  Luckily, producers wised up and resurrected Myers for another eight movies before Rob Zombie did his best to kill him for good.

3. Every Attractive Female on Lost













I'm not sure why, but if you were a woman or a minority living on Lost island, you're days were more numbered than the prisoners from The Green Mile.  It seemed as if every month another cute girl on the island was finding themselves six feet under.  First it was Shannon, followed by Ana and Libby, then Nikki, Juliet, and finally Sun.  Yes, everyone may have died by the end of the show, but if you were a girl and your name wasn't Kate or Claire, then you might as well have walked into the jungle and begged for the Smoke Monster to come destroy you, Tom Jane from The Mist-style. 


2. Mr. Eko - Lost

Speaking of Lost, how disappointing was it that Mr. Eko was the one character that wasn't brought back for the final "sentimental" season?  Apparently Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje wanted three times the amount of money that they were offering him to return, which if true is supremely disappointing, seeing that he was one of the best characters on the show back when it made more sense (if any sense at all).  Apparently, the actor originally left the show because he wanted to return to London after his parents' deaths, leaving the writers to ditch their much more grandiose plans for the stick-wielding priest.  Mr. Eko's promise was ultimately unfulfilled and the only way to get your fix was to watch Adewale in GI Joe.  I didn't see it either.  It's also interesting to note that Adewale's character in Oz, Simon Adebisi, also died before his time.

1. Otis Redding

I had a hard time putting real people on this list, feeling pretty low that I would compare fictional characters' deaths with real-life death.  In the big scheme of things, I do know that pop culture is just trivial and people like Nick Drake should be honored before fictional people like Apollo Creed.  that being said, Otis Redding was the inspiration for this list and I had to put him at number one.  At the ripe age of twenty-six, Redding was able to establish himself as one of the premiere voices of the 1960s.  He died in a plane crash just three days after his most well-known song, "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay", was recorded.  If Redding had lived, there is no doubt that he would have continued to be one of the greatest singers of the 20th century and I would have at least three more hours of cool music to play when I jog.  We were born to run, you know. 

-PB - credit to Twhitt and Nick for the song.

The Cross

(Thanks to My Morning Jacket for helping me create this video)

Christmas has come and gone quicker than Michael Haywood's stint as Pittsburgh's head football coach, but the bowl season still gives us a chance to feel like we are living in a perpetual holiday world, especially considering ESPN uses a variation of "The Christmas Song" for Bowl Week.  I know Nick's list proves he is not a fan of traditional Christmas carols, but if I were to make a list of greatest Christmas songs, Andy Williams' classic would definitely make the cut (right behind Otis Redding and The Eagles).  However, there has always been a part in the song that I have never really understood, and it's "There'll be scary ghost stories..."  Now, if my inaugural post didn't show it, I'm a fan of all things scary, but unless the Smith family has just been missing out for all these years, I don't think Christmas is the time or place for scary stories (unless you spent the past Christmas Eve like I did by watching Silent Night, Deadly Night.  Not recommended, but I do recommend the original Black Christmas).  But in the spirit of the lyrics, I want to tell you one of the ghastliest moments of my life.

I went with some friends to my lake house (The Hydra) for New Years.  After we had set off a few fireworks (mainly Ty shooting Roman Candles directed at our friend Ken), we started a fire by the lake and sat down around it, deciding that this was the best time, if any, to tell ghost stories.  Little did the rest of the group know that I had snuck down a can of Color Flames, which is a sand-like substance that you can toss into the fire, changing it's color.  Think Are You Afraid of the Dark, because Lord knows that's what I was going for.  Anytime I tried to make the story seem more terrifying, I would throw the Color Flames into the fire for effect.  So without any more intro...I give you "The Tale of the Forbidden Cross."

(Color Flames)

I was a wide-eyed sixteen year old kid and was one of the first of my basketball buds to get their driver's license.  Without question, I was letting it go to my head and I thought that I was the coolest thing to ever hit The Woodlands, Tx (even if Danny Amendola was destined to make the NFL and Win Butler from The Arcade Fire lived there once).  My first car was a jet black 2000 Ford Explorer that my mom had driven for five years.  I took that thing everywhere, from the local Jack in the Boxes to a secret sand beach that a few of us found near a creek.  Taking adventures through the town was my forte and it was only a matter of time  until one day I heard about "the cross." (The actual history of the cross is subjective and I apologize in advance if I am in the wrong for treating a memorial cross like a haunted landmark.)

The original houses in The Woodlands were built in the 70s in a part known as Timberlakes-Timberridge.  Near the back of the neighborhood is a noticeable drop in the road that is frequently flooded and unsafe for houses.  However, there is a back road in the area, surrounded by towering, menacing trees and free of lights, houses, and people.  The nearly two-mile road is desolate and empty, with frightening things such as creaky bicycles and dilapidated pianos known to show up without warning on the side of the road.  There is no hint of civilization on this road, except for one man-made sign.  It's here that a man hung himself in the still of the night.


I gathered a group of six of us to head to the cross in my Explorer late one night to check it out.  One of the girls even joked that she was bringing a baseball bat because you never know what could be lurking in the dark woods.  I told her there was nothing to worry about.

When I rolled the car to a stop on the dark and lonely road, my friends were already thoroughly spooked.  Thinking I was so suave, I played the Halloween theme song on my iPod into the abyss (I was trying to impress one of the girls, probably.  Didn't pan out).  As I turned the ignition off, one of my friends bolted from the car to check out the cross in a challenge of masculinity.  However, he stopped dead in his tracks when a shadowy figure emerged from the woods.

(Whoosh.)

Terrified, the girls in the car sat in trepidation while the figure dressed in all black with a white mask walked slowly to the car, revealing a crowbar from his sleeve.  As he reached the passenger side, he tapped on the window with horrified precision.  Everyone in the car was with petrified with fear.  So much so, in fact, that no one noticed that a second man in black rush the other side of the car and begin to shake it ferociously.  One of the girls in the car tearfully exclaimed she was about to dial the police, but I told her that we could get out of there.  I fumbled with my keys, scrambling desperately to try to get the car to start.  This time though, my faithful Explorer was betraying me, refusing to start in the most inconvenient moment.  The group looked outside the car desperately, unsure of our next plan as our masked menacers terrorized our car.  And with one blink of the eye, they were gone, vanished beneath the car.

"I'm calling the cops," my tearful friend shrieked from the very back of the car.

"Don't do that," I said, opening the car door in a seemingly brave attempt to confront the dangerous duo.  My friends yelled at me to shut the door, but I refused, simply giving one of the monsters a helping hand to his feet.  I looked at my friends, who must have assumed I was about to join the two in a slaughter of the helpless passengers.  It wasn't until they removed their masks that the group finally realized what they had hoped for all along; two of my best friends and I had schemed the entire scare up.  Despite several moments of severe hostility directed at me, my friends hastily agreed that the practical joke was one of the most incredible plans we had ever devised.  My darkly dressed partners in crime jumped in the car and we were ready to drive off.  But much to my horror, my car wouldn't start.

(Whoosh.)

The Ford Explorer, the same car that had accompanied me for countless adventures, had actually died mere feet away from a haunted cross the memorialized a dead man.  Was it a coincidence?  We were now stuck in a pitch black hell, with no one within shouting distance to hear our cries.  I'd like to say we lived in an age where cell phones weren't used, but that's a lie that I'll conveniently leave in there for the story's sake.

Out of boredom, a few friends decided to walk down the path the led past the cross in an attempt to find the noose where the man hung himself.  I stayed behind, hoping against reason that someone would finally drive down the chilling road in the middle of the night.  I sat on the hood of my car for what seemed like an eternity, the crescent moon the only thing allowing me to see five feet in front of me.  About thirty minutes later, as I sat in the car talking to the girl I was failing to impress, a Godsend appeared out of nowhere in the form of a dilapidated truck with a broken headlight.  At first I was hesitant to flag the car down, knowing very well that the sketchier the car the more likely that it would be the last thing I saw.  However, the car came to a screeching stop right in front of my open hood, knowing exactly what I needed.

"Need a jump?" the voice from the car asked as I jumped out of the car.  The one headlight shone brightly in my face, disabling me from seeing the man in the car.  When he finally emerged, it was almost exactly what I had imagined--an old, mustached man with a trucker hat and a jean jacket.  He looked rough around the edges and from the look of his tired eyes, I could tell he had seen some things in his life.  I nodded and he immediately went to work.  Within a few minutes, the Explorer was up and running and the man simply shook my hand with an icy grip before disappearing into the night.

"Hey guys!  We're good to go!" I called into the woods.  My friends slowly walked back out into the road one by one, their arms folded to hide from the cool, windless night.  One of the initial tormentors looked at me like he had just been scared out of his shoes.  I gave him a quizzical look before he finally pointed behind him into the trees.  I followed his hand about fifteen feet high in the trees before I saw it.

The noose, gently swaying in the still moonlight.

(Whoosh.)

I looked back at the taillights of the car, looking very much like The Mothman.  I had to wonder, was the car that just helped me a Godsend, or a warning to stay away from Below?

(Whoosh.)

(Only about 1% of this is fictional.)

-PB - a good recommendation from my boy Kollin

Now and Zen

 Phil Jackson...Talent or Luck?

Phil Jackson has won eleven titles coaching the Chicago Bulls and Los Angeles Lakers. He has earned the nickname "Zen Master" for his unique way of coaching, perfecting Tex Winter's Triangle Offensive and harnessing enigmatic personalities such as Dennis Rodman and the immortal Ron Artest.  He has never lost a first round playoff series after winning the first game and has been more successful in the past twenty years than the Harlem Globetrotters, Creed, and Lyle Lovett combined.

However, as the old saying goes, a coach is only as good as his players.  And for that matter, his players have been unprecedentally outstanding.  Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe Bryant, LUKE WALTON.  The first four were top five players in their respective primes ON THE SAME TEAM. It was as if Phil Jackson had rigged the fantasy draft on NBA Live so he could have the top two picks for the next twenty years.  Throw in some invaluable role players (Horace Grant, Rodman, Kukoc, Harper, the soulless Derek Fisher, etc.) and Jackson's teams were more powerful than Team Iceland from The Mighty Ducks II, and let me tell you, Phil Jackson is no Gordon Bombay.

No matter how fortunate Jackson has been his entire coaching career, I have considered Jackson to be just another cocky, media-manipulating public figure that I brushed aside, not unlike Lindsay Lohan.  That was until the Lakers faced off against the Rockets earlier this season.  Jackson was asked about Rudy Tomjanovich, Houston's fantastic coach during their back-to-back championship years in the mid-90's, and his chances on making the Hall of Fame.  From The Big Lead:

“We’ll see. I’m not on that committee. I like all the coaches to get a chance to go in.”

Jackson agreed with the argument that the Rockets’ championships were tainted because Michael Jordan was out of the league for the first of their title seasons and much of the next.

“Definitely,” Jackson said. “Without a doubt. Clearly, if the Bulls were whole, we would have won. It’s pretty much registered by now. When Michael played, we won the championship.”

Now, the rumor is that this was part of Jackon's "dry" sense of humor, but come on, this is coming from the same guy who wore a hat that proved his "dominance" over professional basketball after winning his tenth championship.  I have no problem with Jackson being in the Hall of Fame, he has earned it no matter how bitter I am that his team can pull off one-sided trades that change the entire makeup of the league.  But to even pretend to say that Rudy T doesn't deserve the Hall of Fame is like saying that Leif Garrett isn't perfect for Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

Phil Jackson is a great coach who may very well go down as the greatest coach in NBA history...but do I think he is as talented as work-hard-and-stay-modest Spurs coach Gregg Popovich (someone who I have been trained to disdain as a Rockets fan)?  No way.  I'm pretty sure Charlie Kelly could show up high on paint and win at least six championships with Phil Jackson's talented teams.  Don't believe me?  Look at Mike Brown, who coached a team to the NBA Finals (not to mention eventually named Coach of the Year) purely because he gave the ball to LeBron and told everyone else to get out of the way.  But just like the fact that I think Cloverfield is one of the greatest movies of all-time, I know I am the minority on this one. 

(PS - Happy birthday to Nick, who can break as many windows in failed attempts to kill a hornets' nest as he wants today.)

-PB

Ty's Top Ten Life Regrets, Part II (and the introduction of the sub-top ten list)

Well I'm back. I believe I finished numero 5 in my last blog. I'm gonna take this part of the list to a new dimension, the sub-top ten list. I may be wandering down a dangerous road here, full of sub-sub and sub-sub-sub top ten lists but its ok cause I'm only a guest contributor, Ryan will be left to clean up in the aftermath.

4.) My childhood obsession with professional wrestling - While some of my favorite childhood memories consist of watching and then dangerously attempting to re-create professional wrestling, my steadfast defense of its legitimacy (probably until the age of 12) is the ultimate trump card against me in any argument. I can't count the times I presented what I thought to be an air-tight case against my parents' claims that pro wrestling was fake. I don't regret watching, only the blindness to its true nature, not sport (as I was convinced) but a glorious, half-horribly acted melodrama, half-freak show. So, here is the top ten list of my favorite childhood wrestlers:

1. Sting - c'mon
2. Macho Man Randy Savage
3. Lex Luger
4. The Undertaker
5. Hacksaw Jim Dugan
6. Rick Flair
7. The Giant
8. Booker T
   
9. Diamond Dallas Page
   
10. Kevin Nash
    

Side Note: One thing I do not regret: perusing the Wikipedia pages of said wrestlers. Do yourself a favor and meandor that way, just skip straight to the "personal life" section. Or, for a live-action, slightly less tragic experience, watch The Wrestler. Here's a gem from Ric Flair's page: "In September 2007, Flair opened a financial business called Ric Flair Finance. In July 2008, Ric Flair Finance filed for bankruptcy"

3.) Ok here is a list of the top ten jobs I wish I had. I'm not sure if there is one single regrettable decision that would lead to one job that I wish I had so I'm just gonna list them. Also, obviously I would rather be a professional athlete or some other ridiculously unobtainable jobs but I'm gonna restrict this sub list to things that I could conceivably (I'm using conceivably very loosely) have, given some change in my past, achieved.

1. Heir
   
2. Joel Mchale - This a job, right? Don't mind if I just make wise cracks about celebrities and reality TV (the Soup really writes itself), learn from Senor Chang and hang with Annie and Britta. I'm comin' for ya Joel, I'm taking your life as my profession...creepy but still...
   
3. Facebook/Google - I don't really know what people at Facebook or Google do, but it sounds awesome to say you work at Facebook, try it, also, and in no way can I back this up, but I'm pretty sure they wear flip flops and hoodies to work.
4. Member of an entourage - I should have been stalking potentially talented actors or pretty boys, then hitched my wagon and reap the benefits, thanks HBO and Mark Wahlberg for waiting so long to air this show
5. Sports announcer - Every guy feels like they could do a better job as a color commentator than whoever is currently commenting on whatever game they are watching. I am no different. If you're reading NBC, here are a few things I would bring to the table: the word bamboozle. This word should be used way more in announcing games..."Peterson takes the handoff, cuts rights and bamboozles the outside linebacker" or "Norv Turner with an absolutely bamboozling play call on the goal line" or even as an exclamation "3rd and long, Vick drops back...Peppers coming hard off the edge aaaanndd BAAAAAMMMMboozle!!! Peppers with the sack!!" Well...that's about all I would bring.
6. Radio Personality - Either music or sports. But especially sports, I would of course finagle my way into working with Michelle Beadle.
   
7. Producer or camera man on an MTV reality show - I would instigate so many things.
   
8. Blogger - someone pay me for writing this
   
9. Andy Richter - this is a job right? Being best friends with Conan?
10. Dunder Mifflin employee - I'll do anything, accounting with Kevin, sales with my buddy Jim, heck I'd even be on the road with Todd Packer. Of course, I'd feel bad about splitting up my friends Jim's marriage but whatever.
    

2.) My childhood was a great time for sports, Cowboys were dominant, Rockets won two championships, and I got spoiled. Since the mid-nineties I have had to watch my Houston teams and Aggies disappoint me. Sure there have been bright spots but I would love to have bought low, to become a fan of a team now surpassing all expectations or at least follow a team and watch them ascend the ranks. Here's the top ten:

1. Patriots - the patriots were terrible in the early nineties. They've had a little recent success. Also, I would totally drop my "R's" and say stuff like "Tauwm Brady is wicked awesome, he threw that bawl so frikkin' fah"
   
2. Oklahoma Thunder - So many good young, understated players. I think Smith is already on board with this one.
   
3. Clippers - Blake Griffin, and all the above reasons
   
4. Celtics - See Patriots above and add "Peeaahse and Rahndo! Gaahnett and Allen!"
5. Bosie/TCU - Not sure if they'll continue to be successful but the Oklahoma win alone would make it worth being a long-time Boise follower. I coulda won a lot of bets.
   
6. Florida - They were good back in the day too, but c'mon, two football and two basketball nat'l championships, sick. Although Joakim Noah would be tough to ever root for.
7. Rocky - Neither a team nor a real person but he was down and out in the nineties (see Rocky 5, don't actually view the movie though, maybe just imdb it) and when you never thought you'd see him in the ring again...BAAAAAMboozle!!! He's back and beating up Antonio Tarver.
8. The Mighty Ducks - if I could have become a fan of the script I could have ridden the wave all the way from potential movie, to hit movie to multiple sequels to actual sports team. Talk about getting in on the ground floor
9. Tampa Bay Devils Rays -the fact that they are about to suck and not still suck is huge.
10. Miami Heat - cause it'd be great to really be able to cheer for this team
    

1.) Trusting Ronnie...I know Sammi...you wanna believe him, but all he does is hurt us. (I apologize to non-shore watchers but this was a total cop-out list topper anyway so you'd be disappointed either way)

Top Five Christmas Songs

Hey guys, I hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas or holidays or simply a great break from school or work. Me, I'm spending this Christmas staring into the black abyss that is my post-collegiate life. Donations and prayers are greatly appreciated.

So, in that vein of the holiday spirit, I give to you the Top Five Christmas Songs that you should give to your friends and loved ones. There really isn't rhyme or reason to this list and it isn't in any particular order. Now then, sit back with your favorite egg nog, relax with a warm cup of Glühwein, and take in the overwhelming Tour de Force that is this holiday list.

5. For your resident hipster: Anything from the Sufjan Stevens' Songs for Christmas series




While most people won't think that this song stands out in comparison with the other gems on these albums, let's take a moment and commend Sufjan Stevens for not taking the usual sappy, string-laden route with Christmas songs. Instead, he comes out blaring with wall of distorted electric guitars. I imagine if Kurt Cobain had to write a Christmas song (Although that would probably mean he was a sell out. Better get that shotgun ready... [too soon?]) it would sound a bit like this. Yet, if you listen to the lyrics they are as tender and intimate as one of his more famous songs, "Casimir Pulaski Day". It's further proof that whatever the musical genre is, you can count on Sufjan to deliver.

4.5. However...if your tastes are more traditional, then here's your Christmas groove:



While it might not be strictly a Christmas song, it is on the album and it is one of my favorite Sufjan songs of all time. Growing up going to church, I have become mostly desensitized to church hymns. But, this song touches me every time and really makes me reexamine where I'm at in life, which is very appropriate this time of year.

4. For Red (you know who you are), "When it's Christmas Time in Texas", George Strait

(Sorry for the poor audio quality. Stupid country hipsters and their love of vinyl!!!)



George Strait is still cool. There, I said it.


But seriously, the George Strait Christmas album cassette tape was constantly on in my mom's car when I was a kid. I don't know if we still have that cassette, but I doubt that we could play it today if we did have it because it would be simply worn out. Besides, it very accurately describes the very un-winterlike weather in Texas around Christmastime. Merry Christmas, y'all!

3. For the guy in your group that wants to recreate the 60s and 70s, "Merry Christmas, Baby", Otis Redding



I sincerely hope that everyone has one of these guys in their group. Not only do you get to hear some great throwback songs every now and then, you're almost guaranteed to steer clear of a drum machine or synthesizer. And we wouldn't want that at all. Anyway, this is song really is a gem because, after all, everyone needs some soul in Christmas.

2. For Zooey, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas", She & Him



So...uh...it's obvious I have feelings for you, Zooey. So, why don't you ditch that Death Cab and go out with me? I have mistletoe and eggnog! I even plugged you in my blog!

1.5. BONUS!!! "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" by the Houston Rockets!



I have no defense for this song. Really. In fact, I'm pretty sure that this the reason that God is striking down Yao Ming via the foot/ankle. You can only ruin his son's birthday so much before He exacts his revenge. Here, in the form of missing the NBA playoffs.

1. For young and old, "Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth" by David Bowie and Bing Crosby



Ok, so I know that David Bowie isn't exactly young and hip anymore, but this has to be one of the most random Christmas songs ever. Let's start with the premise of the video. David and Bing apparently live in the same Mister Rogers neighborhood. And it's not too unusual for David to come over from time to time and just start talking about their kids and even sing a bit. Totally random. However, for all of the "What the heck?" moments in the video, David and Bing manage to pull off a Christmas classic. Harmonies and singing in rounds are some of the best modes of music, and they do both well in this song. Unfortunately, Mr. White Christmas would pass on shortly after the recording of this video, but David Bowie is still with us (but apparently in space).

So there you have it. I hope all of you enjoyed this list. But most of all I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas with their friends and family! Happy Holidays and Frohe Weihnachten!

Tuesday Top Ten: Nicholas Cage YouTube Clips

(Deep down, you knew this day would come...)

I have returned from my brief hiatus before finals begin, partly because I want to entertain you all during dead week in finals or dead time during work, but mainly because I am trying to prevent my slowly spiraling descent into madness while I try to learn about what causes disasters on Earth for my Geology final.  (uhh...this guy, obviously.)

Nicholas Cage has always been one of my least favorite actors.  The man has more bad movies than Antonio Cromartie has children.  (Btw, thanks for the fantasy football name this year, Sons of Cromartie).  However, thanks to my slow crescendo of terrible movie choices (and yes, I willingly saw the astoundingly terrible The Last Airbender with some friends this weekend...), it was only a matter of time before I came back to the light and decided that Nicholas Cage may, in fact, be onto something.  How this guy won an Academy Award may be my generation's number one mystery (right ahead of why Walt was special on Lost and who's soul the Los Angeles Lakers sold to the devil in order to hijack Pau Gasol from the Grizzlies.)  

Sorry to keep it short this time, but I have to return to writing a few essays on a critical theory article by Michel Foucault...(yes, it's as interesting to me, too.)  So without further suffering from my writing (no promises from the Cage clips), here are my ten favorite clips on YouTube featuring our favorite almost Superman.  I apologize in advance for some of the language...I didn't write the movies...I just enjoyed them.

10. We start off with a commercial of Cage in Japan.  It's almost too easy...you can get away with anything there.

9. This is from the movie Bad Lieutenant.  My friend Janisch may or may not have directly inspired this particular Cage character.

8. The Wicker Man could have had it's very own Top Ten list.
 

7.This video is incredible, but I couldn't embed it.

6. ...

5. Yes, this really happened...

4. In case you missed it...

3. Oh wait, there's more...

2. In other news, I bought The Wicker Man at a store once for $1.

1. This video says it all.  (Once again, family and friends who are easily offended...you should probably stick to something else.)  I'm just here to share the knowledge.



Thanks for watching.  I promise more consistent writing after finals, not to mention new authors coming soon!

-PB (easter egg city)

Ty's Top Ten (Part One): Life Regrets

Well Thanksgiving is over, the weather is cold and Bing is on the radio. In an effort to bring myself back to earth I have compiled a top ten list that was a bit rough to write, it was a struggle, a humbling journey. I present the my top ten regrets in life, a hindsight-laced cure for any pointless nostalgia the holiday season may be inspiring. Excited yet? I don't blame you.

10.) Not watching enough day-time TV in college - Don't mistake me, I watched plenty of day-time TV in college, an inordinate amount really, but until you have to go to work all day everyday you can't really see the truth, that there is never, ever too much day time TV. If you are in college right now, do yourself a favor and go turn on Judge Judy or a Frasier re-run immediately. You're welcome.

9.) Becoming addicted to Diet Coke - My dad has low blood sugar and therefore can't drink regular cokes. Growing up we never had regular Coke in our house. Naturally I drank whatever carbonated beverage was in my house. Unfortunately, the casual diet coke, consumed out of convenience, grew into a raging, embarrassing and certainly harmful addiction. Its not fun to be the dude who goes goes to the break room and returns with diet coke... no I'm not holding this for a girl, nor was it the only thing they had left...I HAVE A FREAKIN ADDICTION, OK!! Also, I'm pretty sure I will get cancer at some point in my life due to the large amount of aspartame I consume on a daily basis. To note: this would be much higher on my list, considering it might kill me, but this is a list of my regrettable choices and my dad's medical condition is partly to blame for this regret.

8.) Watching 45 minutes of the movie "College." - This would also be much higher on the list had I lost any more than 45 minutes of my life watching this movie (coincidentally, this movie is pretty high on my "who gave this the greenlight?"list). I actually went to the theater to see this on the recommendation of a friend...well former friend, I officially downgraded us to permanent acquaintances after this movie.  In fact, this movie was so bad and I felt so betrayed by the recommendation that this acquaintance could be the best man at my wedding and I would have to introduce him as "the best man and my good acquaintance, _____"

7.) Not investing myself in some obscure sport in high school - In retrospect, I really should have pursued some obscure sport with very few participants and even fewer actual athletes. I might have been able to ride this into a scholarship at some expensive, prestigious college.

6.) Jnco Jeans (and to a lesser extent, Lee's Pipes) - C'mon, if you are between the ages of 27 and 20, you remember these bad boys. Wow. I wish my Superman cape and underwear phase had just extended to fifth grade rather than fall prey to this trainwreck of a fad.

5.) Developing myself a catchphrase - there's still time for this one but I feel like if I had worked in an Steve Urkel-esque catchphrase earlier in life it would be more likely to stick. In my head it plays out like this...a large room full of people are in a conversion, possibly my office, a family reunion, a friend's house, anywhere where there are many people who know me gathered together. I walk in, conversation continues, I'm somewhat unnoticed. Then, as if planned by the gods, someone tees me up, without hesitation nor over-excitement but simply a cool sense of purpose and destiny, I stick my head into the conversation and drop the line "________" Immediately everyone roars with studio audience-like laughter, but I only smile, I've been there before..."

That's all I've got for now...part II to come...