A Halloween Hangover: Top Ten Under-Appreciated Horror Films

 (The Pool Monster from Are You Afraid of The Dark?  My answer as a seven year old boy....yes.)

All my life I've been cursed with an obsession of horror movies.  Maybe it was my sister's fault, seeing as she made me watch the original Halloween when I was six years old.  No matter how long I stayed under my covers in bed from then on out, I was positive the Boogeyman was standing right inside my closet.  Or maybe it was the time I snuck a viewing of Scream on Pay Per View when I was eight (no, I didn't pay for it, but I did watch it on the blurred-out channel with sound that PPV movies were on before DirecTV existed).  Anytime a phone rang in my house after that, you couldn't tell me that it wasn't someone calling from the front porch.  I remember the old newspapers used to come out with TV Guides every Sunday and I would always excitedly check to see if there were any listings for my favorite horror movies with my childhood best friend Reid.  I was like Captain Ahab, except that instead of looking for a white whale, I was looking for Chucky from Child's Play. 

Needless to say, I'm still interested in watching these abominations.  However, after spending most of my life watching these movies I have become more than a little bit desensitized to the effects of horror movies.  The last movie that I actually scared me in a movie theater was The Ring (I know, I'm a little girl, but you tell a 7th grade boy to walk into a pitch black house at 10:30 PM after seeing someone creep out of a television and kill everyone.  I did watch that weird tape during the movie after all, you know.  Plus, I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to be out past 10.)  Nowadays my friends and I watch horror movies for the unintentional comedy.  Yes, I was the guy who bought bootlegged copies of Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark DVD's at the age of 20 just so we could laugh at them (who wouldn't have fun with that?)  Which brings me to the point of this inaugural post.  Even though Halloween was nearly two weeks ago, I have been itching like a hound to give you the readers a list of my favorite under-appreciated horror movies.  It's imperative to note that these movies range from creepily scary to creepily hilarious and that many of these movies won't be found at your local Hollywood Video.  Then again, what is at Hollywood Video anymore?

*Please don't watch these with your families.  I don't want to be held responsible when you realize that having your kids watch movies like this might lead to them compiling a ridiculous list of horror movies fifteen years later.


10. Magic (1978) - Directed by Richard Attenborough.  Starring Anthony Hopkins, Ann-Margret, Burgess Meredith

More of a melodrama than a horror movie, this movie stars three of my favorite actors (two of which can be purely attributed to Grumpy Old Men).  Based on a recommendation from my friend Cale, this movie was surprisingly intense with plenty of comedic elements and a constant sense of confusion (much like a typical Texas Aggies football season).  Without giving too much away, I'll just say that this: it gives a whole new meaning to harmonica music for me.
*Bonus Points: I watched this movie with a great group of friends on a particularly freezing MLK weekend at our infamous lake house in Austin, affectionately nicknamed The Hydra Station (more on that later).  Because of the cold weather and this silly movie, there may or may not have been a cute girl at the Hydra that I was able to get cozy with.  So melodrama or not, this movie makes my list...Thanks, Hopkins!

9. The Prowler (1981) - Directed by Joseph Zito.  Starring Vicky Dawson, Christopher Goutman

I had never heard of this movie until recently, so for those of you who have been on The Prowler bandwagon for years, I apologize.  One of the major things I got from this movie was the prowess of special effects man Tom Savini.  I had seen a few movies of his, including Friday the 13th and The Burning, but it wasn't until this (as well as this Wikipedia page) that I realized how 'realistic' his works are.  The movie revolves around a killer dressed in vintage military attire who hunts kids as they prepare for a dance.  The dance is complete with a rocking '80s band (completely necessary for an '80s horror movie), and some creative kills, the last of which is explosive and mildly hilarious.


8. Amusement (2009) Directed by John Simpson.  Starring Keir O'Donnell, Katheryn Winnick, Jessica Lucas.

My first advice for most movies is to not watch the preview.  ( know I have attached links to some of the trailers for these movies, but it's my first ever post and I'm excited to use all of the features, so give me a break).  Many times, lower budget movies are the worst films to watch previews for because it's common for the editors to confuse "preview" with "summary of movie in two minutes".  I saw this movie at the store a few times and immediately laughed at the front cover.  However, when I finally sold out and watched it, I became a huge fan.  Not just because Katheryn Winnick might be the most gorgeous girl in any of the movies on this list, but also because I now find Keir O'Donnell frightening for a completely different reason other than his role as the creepy younger brother in Wedding Crashers.
*I looked up Katheryn Winnick to see if she had been in any other movies than this one...and found a little film called Satan's Little Helper.  After about 5 minutes I had to stop because I quickly realized I need my friends because I am NOT getting through that one alone..

7. Candyman (1992) - Directed by Bernard Rose.  Starring Virginia Madsen, Tony Todd, Xander Berkeley

Tony Todd is perfect for this role. The premise is an old urban legend that is very similar to "Bloody Mary", based on a short story by the dude who came up with Hellraiser.  Half of the creepiness isn't just the Candyman himself, but the urban setting that the characters are placed in.  Coming from a guy who lived in the suburbs his whole life, I know I wouldn't want to explore the projects like Virginia Madsen bravely does.  This movie isn't without its unintentional humor, because any time you can fly out of a window backwards, you've gotta do it.
*On another trip to the Hydra, my friend Janisch got a friend of a friend, who was a complete stranger to all of us, to turn out the bathroom lights and say "Candyman" three times in front of the mirror.  When she found out why he made her do it, she left the next day and none of us have seen her since.  (Maybe we haven't seen her ever again because she goes to a completely different school, but that notion severely hurts my implication that the Candyman got her, so I'll leave that part out).

6. Cube (1997) - Directed by Vincenzo Natali.  Starring Nicole de Boer, Maurice Dean Wint.

Ah, Cube, one of the best movies nobody has ever heard of.  My friends Wellborn and Heather clued me in to this vastly underrated movie that had all of the best parts of the Saw series (traps and twists), and only some of the worst parts (not nearly as much over-the-top gore is a plus; some baaaad sequels are a negative).  However, Cube, a mysterious Canadian film that takes place entirely inside a seemingly never-ending, ahem, cube, will keep you on the edge of your seat while remaining more disorienting than the idea of Zach Randolph being an NBA all-star.

5. Hatchet (2006) - Directed by Adam Green.  Starring Joel Moore, Tamera Feldman, Deon Richmond

No, this is not based on the kid's book by Gary Paulsen. What this movie lacks in plane crash surviving children it makes up for with an overabundance of gore.  Hatchet is the epitome of this list.  With some surprisingly hilarious characters and plenty of thrills, this film's tagline "old school American horror" is true to the bone.  Taking place during Marti Gras in Louisiana, the film's hatchet-wielding murderer, Victor Crowley (portrayed by former Jason Vorhees, Kane Hodder), goes to incredible lengths to get his kills taken care of, all of which I'll leave out for my family's sake of reading this post.  So watch out for over-the-top massacring and high-profile horror icon cameos, including Robert Englund and Tony Todd. 

4. Sleepaway Camp (1983) - Directed by Robert Hiltzik.  Starring Felissa Rose, Mike Kellin

This "campy" cult classic is most notable for it's shocking twist ending.  Yes, the ending was such a surprise that I would have ranked Sleepaway Camp this highly without even seeing the rest of the movie.  However, there are plenty of things present in this film other than the big surprise that you would want in any horror movie.  Whether it's the sleazy cook getting a pot of boiling water to the face or the surprisingly childish slutty girl getting a not-so-blog-friendly demise in her cabin, this movie is the type of campy horror film that Hatchet emulates.  Needless to say, go into this movie without reading anything about it, otherwise you'll be as disappointed as I was the time my friend Janisch ruined the ridiculous ending to Orphan for me the day I was going to see it.  You're the worst J-Train, that movie would have been awesome.

3a. Wrong Turn (2003) - Directed by Rob Schmidt.  Starring Eliza Dushku, Desmond Harrington, Emmanuelle Chriqui
3b. Cabin Fever (2003) - Directed by Eli Roth.  Starring Rider Strong, Jordan Ladd, James DeBello

These two movies will forever be interchangeable amongst me and my friends.  I had just finished my last day of school in 8th grade and my friends and I thought we would be really cool if we snuck into that horror movie starring Shawn from Boy Meets World.  Much to our surprise, we saw the previews to that movie, Cabin Fever, while we waited to see something called Wrong Turn.  After our initial disappointment, we were relieved when the actual movie we saw turned out to be both hilarious and scary, an obvious prerequisite for any good horror movie.  Although laughing at inbreeding may not be politically correct, I'm not a politician, so I'll continue to laugh away.
When I finally got the chance to see Cabin Fever, I was just as impressed.  Eli Roth's directorial debut was both disturbing and funny, and both movies I felt like I really connected with the characters and lamented their impending deaths, with the exception of this guy.

2. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006) - Directed by Scott Glosserman.  Starring Nathan Baesel, Robert Englund, Angela Goethals

More intentionally funny than the rest of the movies in this post, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon is a smart, creative horror movie that plays on the genre's norms.  The film revolves around a film crew that is making a documentary on a prospective serial killer as he prepares for a killing spree while revealing tricks of the trade.  Leslie Vernon has an uncanny ability to draw the audience in with his macabre humor, including his humorous take on how much cardio serial killers must do in order to maintain a slow, menacing appearance.  Robert Englund's character's less-than-subtle homage to Dr. Loomis is the icing to the cake for this gem that will surprise you with its originality.

1. The Burning (1981) - Directed by Tony Maylam.  Starring Brian Matthews, Leah Ayres, and Brian Backer.

The Burning has anything and everything you would want from an '80s slasher film.  This is one of the more underrated killers of its time, starting with his awesome origin (hey man, if you're on fire: stop, drop, and roll), his name (can there really be a better name for a serial killer than Cropsy?), or his method of killing (suffice it to say, this movie is shear terror).  Jason Alexander makes his film debut and it's as if it's George Costanza himself at the doomed summer camp, as he is nearly identical to Seinfeld's best friend, though this was filmed nearly ten years before.  I almost expected Kramer and Newman to arrive at the camp at some point to be sheared to death by Cropsy.  Holly Hunter also makes her screen debut, although after seeing the movie twice I'm still at a loss as to who exactly she is (I am not a Saving Grace aficionado, I guess).  Plus, you can never count out seeing a young George Minkowski from Lost getting his hand chopped off (sorry for the spoiler, but the reference had to be done).  Overall, my favorite underrated horror film of all time.
*Bonus points to this movie for Alfred, portrayed by Fast Times' Brian Backer.  He is a spitting image of my friend Wellborn, so of course when his character turned out to be nearly as creepy and awkward as Cropsy himself, my friends and I let him have it. 

After all of my utter nonsense, I think it's necessary to point out that you can't expect these movies to be as incredible as the more well known horror classics.  At the end of the day, there's probably a reason why most of these movies have fallen through the cracks into obscurity.  However, if you go into these movies with low expectations (especially with a group of friends with a sense of humor), you might be surprised at how much you like them.

-PB