The Wonder Years

Friday is college graduation.

It's been an interesting ride, to say the least. After attending three universities, living with nine different roommates, making countless lifelong friends, and scribing one hilariously amateur blog, I am graduating in four years. While I am a big fan of self-deprecation, being able to say I got my diploma on time, especially after considering my many misadventures, is something that I am pretty damn proud of. Never in a million years did I think I could get through this; I definitely didn't get through it alone. I got by with a little help from my friends, The Wonder Years-style. While my future is more uncertain than the ending to 2001: A Space Odyssey (unless you read the book), this week I really want to reminisce about college life one last time. Here are some of my favorite stories, in no particular order, that I am willing to share. I hope you enjoy them.

1. Catching a cat with a trashcan and a 100 ft Ethernet cable - Freshman Year
My freshman year I lived on the second story of an apartment complex that backed up next to a forest. A plethora of wildlife lived back there, but for about a month a lone orange kitten caught our eye as it would constantly duck under the fence and sit at the bottom of our steps. One day my roommates and I decided that we would catch the cat and give it to the humane society. And what is the best way to do that, you ask? Well, we bought a can of catnip, grabbed our trashcan, and strapped our 100-ft Ethernet cable (crazy to think that 4 years ago we didn't have any access to Wi-Fi!) to the lid. As I stood on the balcony of our apartment, we waited for the kitten to investigate the strange contraption, closing the lid shut as soon as the cat went inside the trashcan. If that story isn't convincing young people the importance of college, I don't know what is.

(Just to give you an idea how weird we were, my frosh roommies and I would put this clown vacuum in the most random places, including the shower and closets, in order to scare each other.)

2. Beating Super Mario 64 - Freshman Year
I'll take it to my grave that Super Mario 64 is by far the single greatest videogame ever created. I remember growing up getting so frustrated that I couldn't beat it and vowed that I someday would take down Bowser once and for all. So my cat-nabbing freshman roommates Erich, Robbie, Evan, and I spent over three months slowly chipping away at the game until we finally collected all 120 stars. Easily the highlight of my time at UTSA. Hopefully I will not have to take it to my grave that this was the highlight of my life. Kidding. I topped it already... by winning several championships and MVP awards on NBA 2K.

3. The Cactus Incident - Freshman Year
We're still at UTSA here, specifically early December after finals were completed. We lived within ten minutes walking distance to a Whataburger and late one night we decided it was time we embarked on the journey for some BoB sausages (Breakfast on a Bun, fools. It's an inside joke.) Granted, the ten minutes were through the dark and ominous woods. Also keep in mind we're living in arid San Antonio. Long story short, I may or may not have fallen into a cactus plant and let me tell you that, contrary to popular belief, falling into one does not feel like falling onto a beanbag chair. I feel like I was pulling out thorns well after Valentine's Day.
The cactus may have won that battle, but I won the war. Shortly into the spring semester that area was demolished for a shopping center, so that cactus is long gone. One time we tried to get into the machinery to take it out ourselves, but that's a different story.

4. Growing a hideous beard - Freshman Year

(Freshman Ryan...so much I want to tell you, but...I can't.)

5. "No onions!" - Senior Year
A late night stop at Taco Bell where I refused to give my order, only yelling "No onions!" to my roommate Joe. Of course, Taco Bell still gave me onions.

6. Jackhammering My Leg - Junior Year
The summer before I started school at Texas A&M I worked as a contractor's assistant here in College Station. We mainly worked odd jobs, including assembling door frames, ceiling fans, etc. On one occasion we were asked to do demolition, jackhammer and everything. We were taking out a concrete staircase when part of a rock landed right above my ankle. I could see my bone. I got several stitches. I won't post the pictures out of respect for my right ankle. Oh, and you guys.

7. Road tripping to Miami - Sophomore Year

My sophomore year at OU culminated with the football team making it to the National Championship game in Miami to take on the Florida Gators. My friends Cale and Chase joined me in the drive from Houston. Chase even bought a $600 radar detector to help shave some time off our drive. (A good three hours at that. I promise we were cruisin' at a safe 105.) While the game didn't exactly go the way we planned (playing a Florida school in Miami did not do us any favors), I had an incredible time checking out the east coast, even getting a chance to catch the sunrise in Daytona one morning.

(I know what you're thinking... I'm so indie and cool.)

Despite Cale believing he was about to be impaled by a post on the road, an Asian man screaming for me to enter my debit card's "PIN NUMBAAAAAA" at a gas station, and my late shift from 11 PM-6AM ending with me hallucinating that a crane had fallen onto the highway (true story, I was a zombie after staying awake for that long), we made it safely back to Houston. Once we were back, Chase returned the radar detector for full price, saying it was a gift that he didn't want. What can I say, it is the Sooner way.

(Also, we snuck onto the apartment complex where Dexter lived.)

8. Driving into a tornado - Sophomore Year
One of my OU roommates, Rick, was driving from Norman to drop a friend off at his house in Edmond, Oklahoma. Naturally, I decided to tag along. Naturally, a natural disaster formed mere miles from us as we ignorantly listened to Kings of Leon.

9. "This isn't Homeward Bound." - Senior Year
My friends and I were at the lake house enjoying a day out in the sun when two mangy, soaking wet dogs ran down the steps to where we were laying out. After several of the girls oohed and aahed at the pups, my friend Hupp snapped at them to get out. After several shocked moments, Hupp turned to the rest of us with a triumphant grin on his face, saying "This isn't Homeward Bound." I'm not sure he would have caught that cat with us freshman year.

10. Bringing back Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark - Forever
I bought bootleg DVDs of the entire series to both shows and got my friends hooked on them again. I even tried to use them as after-date hangouts on an occasion or two. It may or may not have worked...because who can resist a college-aged kid who watches scary children's shows?

11. Getting my Aggie Ring.

(I'm in the club now)

12. Rickesh's 21st Bday - Junior Year
A group of us spent the night on the Riverwalk in San Antonio and stayed at his family's unopened hotel by ourselves. When my friend Janisch believed the party was dying down - "This just went from a 21st birthday party to a hostage situation." Typical.

13. Going with Rickesh as Turk and JD for Halloween - Senior Year

(Awesome on so many levels....wrong hair color...wrong race...why not?)

14. Nick vs. the Hornet's Nest - Senior Year
My roommates and I have had a year-long war against the hornets that live outside our apartment. When I first moved in, a terrifying nest of over twenty hornets was located at the top corner of our living room window. Nick, who had just gotten back from Germany less than a month beforehand, decided the best way to get them was to throw an empty bottle at the nest. He missed, instead shattering the window. The hornets went everywhere. Welcome back to America.

15. Having a NASCAR-themed Christmas Tree - Junior Year
My junior year roommate Jeremy loved NASCAR. I came home one night to him and his girlfriend putting up a small tree in our living room, insisting that they do it alone. I came back out of my room thirty minutes later to see that the tree is decorated with nothing but Dale Earnhardt, Jr. ornaments. It was ridiculous. We did have a Darth Vader as our angel on top, though.

16. Road House Intramurals - Senior Year
So close...still the best basketball team I've ever played on.

17. The Colorado Trips - Junior/Senior Year

I'm blessed that I am able to take friends to my family's cabin out in the mountains. We have been the past two Januarys. Between the long road trips (and marathon games of Catch Phrase), the skiing (and finally getting the courage to go down some Blues), the hiking (Garden of the Gods is incredible), the snowball fights ("I said no ice balls!"), the casino gambling (and losing), the charades (T.Whitt is the master), and the high school basketball-watching (At the girls' 2 hr long game..."Keep the clock runnnning"), these are some of the best times I've had in the past four years.

18. Schooling Ryan Swope - Senior Year
Granted, we were playing basketball at the Rec Center. He is a star receiver on the football team so if he wanted to end my life, I'm sure he could. However, it was pretty cool dueling with him while a bunch of people watched. Hitting the game-winning three-pointer on him more than made up for getting dunked on, right?

19. Sharing my first short story - Senior Year
Most of my life I have written. As early as seven years old, I would write my own Goosebumps and Animorphs stories in the backseat during long road trips with my family. I never let anyone read my stories though, fearful that I would get laughed at. Fifteen years later, I'm still fearful, but I started this awful blog as a way to slowly become more comfortable with sharing things. I just finished my first short story for class to mixed results. Baby steps. Thanks for sticking with me.

20. Sharing my testimony in Germany - Junior Year

(Just signing some autographs...NBD.)

I went with my hometown church to Germany for their annual baseball camp mission trip one summer. I was in charge of batting, which is funny because I hadn't played an official game of baseball in over ten years. That didn't stop the German children from asking if I was going to be a professional athlete after bombing some into the outfield (I felt like a BA). The trip was life-changing for so many people as we were able to share Christ with children and parents alike. On the last night, I volunteered to share my testimony in front of hundreds of German citizens. With the help of a translator, it was one of the most fulfilling moments of my life. I am so very grateful that I could do it.



I'm sure there are plenty of stories that I'm forgetting, but I should really get back to studying for finals. Thanks everyone.

-PB (very cool video)