Ty's Top Ten Life Regrets, Part II (and the introduction of the sub-top ten list)

Well I'm back. I believe I finished numero 5 in my last blog. I'm gonna take this part of the list to a new dimension, the sub-top ten list. I may be wandering down a dangerous road here, full of sub-sub and sub-sub-sub top ten lists but its ok cause I'm only a guest contributor, Ryan will be left to clean up in the aftermath.

4.) My childhood obsession with professional wrestling - While some of my favorite childhood memories consist of watching and then dangerously attempting to re-create professional wrestling, my steadfast defense of its legitimacy (probably until the age of 12) is the ultimate trump card against me in any argument. I can't count the times I presented what I thought to be an air-tight case against my parents' claims that pro wrestling was fake. I don't regret watching, only the blindness to its true nature, not sport (as I was convinced) but a glorious, half-horribly acted melodrama, half-freak show. So, here is the top ten list of my favorite childhood wrestlers:

1. Sting - c'mon
2. Macho Man Randy Savage
3. Lex Luger
4. The Undertaker
5. Hacksaw Jim Dugan
6. Rick Flair
7. The Giant
8. Booker T
   
9. Diamond Dallas Page
   
10. Kevin Nash
    

Side Note: One thing I do not regret: perusing the Wikipedia pages of said wrestlers. Do yourself a favor and meandor that way, just skip straight to the "personal life" section. Or, for a live-action, slightly less tragic experience, watch The Wrestler. Here's a gem from Ric Flair's page: "In September 2007, Flair opened a financial business called Ric Flair Finance. In July 2008, Ric Flair Finance filed for bankruptcy"

3.) Ok here is a list of the top ten jobs I wish I had. I'm not sure if there is one single regrettable decision that would lead to one job that I wish I had so I'm just gonna list them. Also, obviously I would rather be a professional athlete or some other ridiculously unobtainable jobs but I'm gonna restrict this sub list to things that I could conceivably (I'm using conceivably very loosely) have, given some change in my past, achieved.

1. Heir
   
2. Joel Mchale - This a job, right? Don't mind if I just make wise cracks about celebrities and reality TV (the Soup really writes itself), learn from Senor Chang and hang with Annie and Britta. I'm comin' for ya Joel, I'm taking your life as my profession...creepy but still...
   
3. Facebook/Google - I don't really know what people at Facebook or Google do, but it sounds awesome to say you work at Facebook, try it, also, and in no way can I back this up, but I'm pretty sure they wear flip flops and hoodies to work.
4. Member of an entourage - I should have been stalking potentially talented actors or pretty boys, then hitched my wagon and reap the benefits, thanks HBO and Mark Wahlberg for waiting so long to air this show
5. Sports announcer - Every guy feels like they could do a better job as a color commentator than whoever is currently commenting on whatever game they are watching. I am no different. If you're reading NBC, here are a few things I would bring to the table: the word bamboozle. This word should be used way more in announcing games..."Peterson takes the handoff, cuts rights and bamboozles the outside linebacker" or "Norv Turner with an absolutely bamboozling play call on the goal line" or even as an exclamation "3rd and long, Vick drops back...Peppers coming hard off the edge aaaanndd BAAAAAMMMMboozle!!! Peppers with the sack!!" Well...that's about all I would bring.
6. Radio Personality - Either music or sports. But especially sports, I would of course finagle my way into working with Michelle Beadle.
   
7. Producer or camera man on an MTV reality show - I would instigate so many things.
   
8. Blogger - someone pay me for writing this
   
9. Andy Richter - this is a job right? Being best friends with Conan?
10. Dunder Mifflin employee - I'll do anything, accounting with Kevin, sales with my buddy Jim, heck I'd even be on the road with Todd Packer. Of course, I'd feel bad about splitting up my friends Jim's marriage but whatever.
    

2.) My childhood was a great time for sports, Cowboys were dominant, Rockets won two championships, and I got spoiled. Since the mid-nineties I have had to watch my Houston teams and Aggies disappoint me. Sure there have been bright spots but I would love to have bought low, to become a fan of a team now surpassing all expectations or at least follow a team and watch them ascend the ranks. Here's the top ten:

1. Patriots - the patriots were terrible in the early nineties. They've had a little recent success. Also, I would totally drop my "R's" and say stuff like "Tauwm Brady is wicked awesome, he threw that bawl so frikkin' fah"
   
2. Oklahoma Thunder - So many good young, understated players. I think Smith is already on board with this one.
   
3. Clippers - Blake Griffin, and all the above reasons
   
4. Celtics - See Patriots above and add "Peeaahse and Rahndo! Gaahnett and Allen!"
5. Bosie/TCU - Not sure if they'll continue to be successful but the Oklahoma win alone would make it worth being a long-time Boise follower. I coulda won a lot of bets.
   
6. Florida - They were good back in the day too, but c'mon, two football and two basketball nat'l championships, sick. Although Joakim Noah would be tough to ever root for.
7. Rocky - Neither a team nor a real person but he was down and out in the nineties (see Rocky 5, don't actually view the movie though, maybe just imdb it) and when you never thought you'd see him in the ring again...BAAAAAMboozle!!! He's back and beating up Antonio Tarver.
8. The Mighty Ducks - if I could have become a fan of the script I could have ridden the wave all the way from potential movie, to hit movie to multiple sequels to actual sports team. Talk about getting in on the ground floor
9. Tampa Bay Devils Rays -the fact that they are about to suck and not still suck is huge.
10. Miami Heat - cause it'd be great to really be able to cheer for this team
    

1.) Trusting Ronnie...I know Sammi...you wanna believe him, but all he does is hurt us. (I apologize to non-shore watchers but this was a total cop-out list topper anyway so you'd be disappointed either way)