If you go to Texas A&M University and aren't either too pretentious or rich, you most likely ride the bus to class. As a faithful rider of all of my years at college, let me tell you that it is an excercise in both patience and ignorance. You have to be patient because during any given ride you are most likely to have to stand up for 20 minutes with some jock's reeking armpit in your face as country music blares over the PA.
(Sidebar: Don't EVER criticize the driver's choice of music. On the first day of class, I whispered over to Ryan that it should be against Transport Services rules to play such horrible music. The giant standing behind me apparently took issue with this and leaned in saying, "Well, what would you play then?". To which I replied, "Nothing, I can play my own music without having to listen to yours." Much to my chagrin, he was a bus driver and said that it helped them pass the long hours driving. Much to his chagrin, Ryan said, "Well, I'm a bus driver too, and I don't make people put up with that garbage!")
Anyway, on a Thursday early on in the semester, Ryan and I were riding the bus to class, and it was everything that you could ever dream of and more. It was, as usual, packed and because of the 100 F (37 C) weather, the bus was sweltering despite the meager use of AC. Thankfully, the driver was merciful and let us forgo our daily dose of western twang. Per bus etiquitte, everyone was dead silent. Only the hum of the motor pierced the uncomfortable quiet. Little did we know that it was about to become even more uncomfortable.
"So, what kind of music do you like?" The question hit my ears like the clang of a missed granny-shot free throw. It was soon clear that we and everyone else were caught in a long and awkward date taking place on the bus. There he was. There she was. They were sitting across the aisle from each other and every exchange reverberated throughout the bus for all to hear. "I'm more of a country girl myself, but I like to switch it up a bit with some rap and T-Pain at parties. I dunno, I like everything I guess!", she said with perhaps a bit more enthusiasm than she would want to betray. "Really?! Me too!", he said with a bit more enthusiasm than we would like to hear. The date was going well. By all accounts really, it was going spectacularly. She was into him, he was into her, and the conversation was flowing along swimmingly. I, on the other hand, could not contain my bursting laughter.
"Well this puts a whole new meaning to the term 'speed dating'", I said to Ryan. This was perhaps the most awkward bus ride of my life. I felt that I was as much a part of this date as he or she. "Well, Speed Dater, I'm personally a fan of Community and Mad Men. What kind of shows do you watch? ...Oh what's that? You've never seen either one? That's too bad." I honestly wanted to bust in the conversation, "Speed Dater, meet Blah Blah Blah, by the powers invested in me by the Transport Services, I now pronounce you boyfriend and girlfriend." However, I couldn't do this because the date was simply too hilarious. I wanted it to go on. Mostly because I wanted to see the inevitable crash of reality when the girl realized how creepy Speed Dater really was and reject him. (Oh, the glowing embers of a broken heart are so dazzling when seen from afar.)
And so, the date continued. Almost, every topic was touched: Movies, classes, where they were from (He, the Rio Grande Valley; she, doesn't matter. It's not that important.) Finally, as we turned the last corner going onto campus, he looked at her very intently. It was as if something from deep inside of him was boiling up and was about to burst out. He looked at her, looked down at the floor, and back up at her. He hesitated for a second, but went for it anyway. "Well, what are you doing for lunch? I mean, maybe we could grab a bite to eat before class." It obviously caught her off guard. Maybe she didn't realize what Speed Dater's true intentions were. For all she knew, he was simply a nice guy who was being friendly during the stressful first few weeks of the semester. What could be wrong with being friendly?
The slightly pained but pitiful look on her face said it all. But just in case, she said it out loud for him. "Um...I really don't think I have the time to. And anyway, I've already eaten."
Were he a normal man, he would have packed it in and called it a day. But no! This was Speed Dater. Unfazed, he pressed on, this time bringing up the future. "What do you want to do? I want to go to law school. Mostly because I really don't know what else I'll do..." And with that, the bus pulled to the stop and the the doors opened, releasing us from our prisons of forced romance. As I glanced over my shoulder, I saw that they were still chatting as they walked off the bus.
God speed, Speed Dater. God speed. And here's hoping there's bells ringing on the bus after your wedding...
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